This post is not going to be a scientific one. It is based on an inspiring journey that was shared with me through instagram on guilt associated with infertility, in the case of having had an abortion earlier in life and now having difficulty conceiving. Being in this field, I had always thought about how difficult it must be for individuals who have to deal with this. I tried to see what decisions I would make if I were put in a similar situation and every time, it is a different answer. This shows that there is no right or wrong decision and individuals should not feel guilty about a decision they made when they were younger. This is of course easier said than done and has been an issue for many people. The toll that it can take on someone was brought to my attention when I reached out to @my.pumpkin.seed. At first, she assumed that her infertility story so far would not be that useful to others as she is just starting her infertility diagnosis and treatments. Even though she is not too far along in her infertility journey, her story is an inspiring one and I would like to share it with you all.
When she was 15 years old, she fell pregnant but due to the lack of support from her family and a boyfriend who was too young to support her, she had to have an abortion. At the time, she did not want the abortion, but she felt that everyone else around her was telling her it was the right choice. As a result of the pressure from others, she decided to have the medical procedure. The procedure itself was traumatizing and prompted a variety of different issues that she has had to overcome such as: eating disorders, anxiety and depression. It is now 11 years later and her and her husband are trying to become pregnant. They have been trying for a year and a half and have not been successful so far. She feels an extreme amount of guilt over this. Of course at the time of her abortion there was nothing more that she could have done. She made the best decision at the time. They don't know for sure yet whether there is any problems with her fertility potential but the thought that there might be is not an easy one for her. She has had to go to counselling to learn how to cope and is now finally able to share her story. Both her and her husband are undergoing preliminary tests and are waiting for their results. It is a difficult waiting period for her and she mentioned how she did not feel like she belonged in the community because she "wasted her chance at motherhood" but was surprised by all the support she was given.
First and foremost, I am honored to be able to share this story on my blog as I know it is not an easy one. When it comes to this topic, there is an immense amount of emotional and psychological baggage. The decision of having an abortion is by no means an easy one, let alone having to make it at a young age. There is no right or wrong decision when it comes to abortions. It is whatever seems like the right decision at the time. There are so many factors that play a role in the decision and no one can understand what it feels like unless they have been through it. No one can make a judgement on someone else's decision and no shame or guilt should be put on the individual. I, by no means, am claiming to be an expert on how to deal with situations similar to this but I think sharing these stories allows for the stigma to be removed. It allows for people's voices to be heard and provides a platform for them to share their stories so that if someone else is struggling they know that they are not alone. Trying to start a family and facing fertility issues is in itself such a difficult process and adding to it the guilt of a previous abortion makes it so much harder to deal with. It is commendable that she has been able to deal and cope with this so well. Having had emotional bumps on the way is a normal part of the healing and learning process. Having a support system can help tremendously with the emotional burden. It is important to know that you are not alone and that there is nothing wrong with your emotions or the difficulties that you are facing. They are all real and with the support of others can be dealt with. We are all here to help each other. I know that I am not able to speak from personal experience when it comes to infertility but having worked in the field and seen different patients, I'd like to help as much as I can. I've seen firsthand what a difficult journey it can be. I would like to extend my appreciation to the person who was brave enough to share this story with me, I know others appreciate it as well.
Please feel free to contact me directly if you are having trouble coping with infertility or if you would just like to have a chat.
