As someone who works in the field of infertility, I always saw the difficulty and stress that patients had to deal with during their treatment but never fully understood the extent of it. I think this is normal, as I myself have not approached the time of my life where I would be ready to have kids and so have not had to deal with the prospect of infertility. I have seen it through the eyes of our patients but have not experienced it directly. Starting this blog and speaking to people going through infertility, I learned a great deal about resilience, optimism, patience, and the importance of having a supportive community. The topic of support has come up over and over when speaking with different people from different parts of the world. Going through infertility can feel isolating and lonely but getting in touch with others going through the same thing has made the journey a bit easier for so many people. When I reached out to Jess (@unexplained_infuckingfertility), the importance of feeling a part of a community and having support was brought up once again.
Jess and her husband have been together since 2009, they started dating in high school and had been friends from years before. Just like so many other couples, they had a 5 year plan, they finished high school, went to college, bought a house in the country and got married. They hadn't thought much about kids but once they moved into their first home they began to think about it. After they got married, she stopped taking her birth control and a few months after they decided to try for a baby. A month passed and coincidentally 2 of her close friends had become pregnant. She was super excited because she thought she would become pregnant and they could all go through the journey together. Her friend's babies were born and are almost a year now, whereas Jess was just diagnosed with unexplained infertility. I can only imagine how difficult and isolating this could have been. Both her and her husband completed tons of blood work, he did a semen analysis, and she had a hysterosalpingogram in February. They are currently in their second round of letrozole. They are planning to try it for a few months and in the meantime save up for an IUI. She mentioned that the current pandemic has not affected their situation much, as cases in Manitoba are quite low and she was able to attend her appointments. This is a relief as some other parts of the world are not so lucky and clinics have had to remain shut during the pandemic. Many procedures have been pushed back which I can only imagine adds even more stress to an already complicated process. If this has been the case, please feel free to contact me or others in the community going through the same thing.
For Jess, she has been more affected with their situation than her husband but he has been continuously supportive and very caring. She has had to deal with days where she did not want to get out of bed. What has helped her stay positive through it all has been opening up on social media. By meeting other women going through the same things, she has started to feel less alone and feel part of a bigger community. The feelings of isolation and loneliness only make the process harder and being able to share these feelings with other people who understand exactly what it is like, can relieve a bit of the stress.
Of course not everyone feels like they want to share their story with others and that is completely understandable. For those who do feel lonely and isolated, reaching out to others who have been through the same thing may be of help. Where this can become difficult to navigate is when comparison creeps in. As humans we always compare ourselves to others, it is a normal instinct. However when it comes to infertility (just like any other medical condition), comparisons can add to the emotional aspect. It's important to understand that everyone's journey is different and some may have success earlier than others but most people who have dealt with infertility will understand what you are going through.
Another thing that has helped Jess through their journey so far is her work as a veterinary technologist in a mixed animal practice where she does a mix of anesthesia, radiology, dentistry, lab work, routine vaccinations and much more. She loves makeup and has done many live sessions on facebook. I think having work and hobbies that you enjoy can help cope with the stress associated with infertility. Even if it allows you to escape for a few hours and focus on something other than infertility, it can have beneficial effects on your mood, and the outcome of your treatments. Being able to have a balance and not focusing all of your time and energy on your infertility is crucial. This is easier said than done but even if you start with a few minutes each day focusing on something you love to do, you can get into the habit of taking time for yourself and not letting infertility take over your life. Again having a supportive community can help you achieve this.
You may experience periods of time where all of your focus is on your treatment and you have no time for anything else, this is also completely normal. It is important to make sure that after these periods of intense emotional pressure, you are able to spend time for yourself and focus on your overall well-being. Sometimes it is necessary to be a bit selfish and allow yourself to process things. Try to enjoy the journey as much as possible and communicate with others who have experienced the same things. It will make the journey easier.
Please get in contact with me if you would like to chat or want me to connect you with others in the community.
