Infertility is a huge emotional burden for most couples. Growing up, most people think about their future family and how one day they want to have kids. This becomes more of a reality once the person has reached a point in their life that they are ready to start the family the have always dreamed of. At this point they may start trying to achieve a pregnancy. For some couples, this is not a problem and they become pregnant quite quickly. For others, t's not so easy. Some couples may face infertility issues, same-sex couples will require a donor (and in some cases surrogate), single individuals will also require a donor. For all of these individuals, the journey of pregnancy becomes more complicated and starts to take an emotional toll. It can also be an emotional journey for donors and surrogates. Going through test after test, potential failure in each procedure and unexplained reasons for failure are just some of the things people have to deal with.
I recently spoke with Mariah Merrick (@theovarydiaries) on instagram to learn a bit more about her journey. She and her husband have been trying close to 3 years but unfortunately have not had any luck. After their tests, it was suspected that she only had one part of a uterus which was then diagnosed as a septum in her uterus. They did some further testing and she was finally diagnosed with Didelphys uterus. This is a uterine malformation where the uterus is present as a paired organ due to developmental issues in embryogenesis. There is therefore, two uteri with two separate cervices and in some cases two vaginas. Currently they are going through treatment. Going through the diagnosis must have been difficult emotionally. In infertility treatment, the right diagnosis is important but it can be time consuming and in some cases there may be no apparent explanation for the infertility. This can be a cause for a multitude of emotions such as: frustration, anxiousness, depression, isolation, and stress, to name a few. Knowing how to deal with these emotions is essential for the well-being of the individuals undergoing treatment. It is important to note that having emotional difficulties is completely normal in infertility treatment and it is ok to reach out for help. As Mariah mentioned to me, having a support system and taking your time between treatments is a great way to deal with the emotional burden. It may also be beneficial to speak with professionals to ease some of the feelings.
Support system
A support system can be as small as 1 person to a group of people. It's important for couples to support each other and make sure there is no blame placed on one person. Infertility is not easy but having the support can make it a bit easier to deal with. It may be worth it to reach out to the infertility community as people have undergone similar situations and will be able to help. Friends and family are also a great source of support. Establishing a support system before treatment is beneficial and makes the journey much easier.
Take your time
In many cases, the first treatment plan is not successful and so patients may have to undergo several cycles before they achieve a pregnancy. It's important to be mentally prepared for that next round of treatment so take some time in between. Make sure you're emotionally ready to take on another round. Make sure to take care of yourself during and in between treatments. Plan activities that help you de-stress. Go to a spa, book a massage, take some time for yourself. Each person varies in the way they like to relax so find the right fit for yourself and make sure to treat yourself.
Psychologists
There are many professional psychologists that specialize in family planning and infertility. It might be worth paying a visit to one of them if you find yourself struggling. They can provide you with techniques on how to manage your emotions and better prepare yourself for treatment. Seeking professional help can be a great way to cope as they are more experienced. They also will keep your information confidential in case you don't want to share your infertility with others. It is a safe space for you to discuss your feelings and seek help. It may also be a good idea to speak with a professional after failed cycles to better deal with the grief and disappointment. It may also be useful to attend sessions as a couple to learn how to deal with infertility as a couple.
The emotional roller coaster associated with infertility is one that many patients have to deal with every day. The range of emotions is so vast that it can have negative impacts on an individual and their partner. It's important to know that you are not alone, you can reach out to others for advice on how to deal with these emotions and take control. Never ever blame yourself or your partner. Take your time, focus on yourself and your relationship, trust the journey and try to stay positive. If you or anyone you know needs some help on how to deal with infertility, please contact me directly.
